:::(
10:08 A.M. - Tuesday, Oct. 18, 2005
good morning world.
I am off today. Days that I have to work I can barely wake up at seven thirty to get my (ever increasing) fat ass out of bed. But today, the day I am off, I cannot sleep in. I am so pissed at my dumb internal clock.
So I have many things to do today. Apartment hunting, new doctors hunting, going to the DMV to renew my tag registration, buying a gun to blow up the next fucking doctor that pisses me off. Thats pretty much it, but I am sure while I'm out something else will come up.
Its so amazing how crazy my hormones/feelings are. Yesterday I was all joy to the world. Today I feel very assassin'ish. So to speak. At this point in my life I am so sick of humans. You know what I hate most in my life? Havig to deal with medical services that don't even want to deal with you. mutha fuckas. I just want to drink some beer till I get tipsy and smoke a blunt.lol
Anywho, lets talk about something else cuz people are starting to make me blood thirsty. So I am BROKE. I have been broke before but never quite like this. Things have been so hard for me lately what with buying new clothes for my (ever increasing) ass. Buying stuff for the very near future, feeding myself, saving for a new apartment (which is so not fucking happening). Basically I am stressed and spread thin. I don't know how much more I can deal with in the coming months but I am praying its not like this. Then the way I look. Every fucking morning I have to look at myself in the mirror and wish I could call back in bed. My hair is so misearble. I have no money to get it done. My skin is doing a thing of its own and my lips are so dry. I can't buy shit to care for my body cuz I am BROKE. Makes me want to cry really. Especially when my mother asks me to drive her somewhere and I really don't want to go cuz NOTHING fits anymore. Then I appear with clothing she disapproves of because 'the blouse is too short'. I really can't help it I don't have money to buy new ones. So rather than curse her out which I stopped doing. I just shrink back into my sad self and cry pitifully.
I feel alone, and maybe thats because I am. Everybody says they are here for me but no one knows whats going on. I am so tired of it all.
So I just decided, rather than go out and do anything today I will just stay home and read whatever I can, sleep and probably cry a little more. My tears have been my best friends.
Fuck the world.
