::smile
8:57 P.M. - Sunday, Oct. 16, 2005
IT IS TIME FOR A BLOODY ENTRY.
yuh know, I don't think I have my GOLD powers anymore. Maybe it expired. But yuh know what else? I don't use any of its features so I wouldn't know or even care.
soooooooooooooooo. Pee-pal whats really good, I mean what the dilly. WHAT IS GOING ON UP IN D-LAND.
Just head noddin to some floetry. Been a minute. Ya know listening to them reminds me of that time dia took me to their concert. It was so damn good. So freakin good being in a concert where your favorite artists are performing.
I guess that too is why I didn't listen to their music anymore. Cuz it reminded me of him. But now, OMG I am letting go of all the things. Everything that reminded me no longer does it. I mean. Its like when I was dating Miguel. When he we were broke up. I was hurting so bad, I mean I went to his car hugged him and told him we can't be together anymore. I wanted to be with him so bad. But he wasn't the same person anymore. I just knew he didn't want to be with me anymore. I never did a thing to him. Not one. Matter of fact I gave him my virginity foolishly.
These things can break a girl's self esteem. I started thinking maybe I just wasn't pretty enough, or maybe I was too fat, or didn't dress well enough. I never thought something was wrong with ME. So I went on a diet, I got my hair done, and i started to change my dress habits. Well, I found out later that there was nothing wrong with me inside or out. I was a great girlfriend and till this very day he still tells me so. He went back to his cracker ex-girl. Bitch.I guee my skin color was too dark for his black ass.
But the point I was trying to make was that after the break up, every thing reminded me of him. He drove a green honda civic, every bloody green civic was him.lol. every time I heard a song with the diwali rhythm I thought of him. And the list goes on and on and on. But I quickly forgot about all that when Sean and I started becoming a number. Then sean screwed up and I had to get over him, and Dia helped me do that quickly. Then there was Dia. Thought that I couldn't get over him because I didn't want to. I was just so sick of getting over men.
Dia was a special case. All my fault of course. Cuz I told myself never give all of myself again. I did just that again though. This one was harder cuz we practically did every thing together. He opened doors to sexual avenues that I had never explored before. My famliy new him and liked him. That made a world fo difference. To make it worse he seemed to fill the paternal care in me that I was lacking. I placed tooo much importance in him. I guess too at that point I was ready to settle down. He didn't. He was bad for me. Inspite of what I thought then.
Now who helps me get over Dia? Now I allow someone else to get into my heart AGAIN. Its probably too soon to talk about it. Or not. But he makes me happy, and he is cute and he has a job. Only problem (which may be a glory) is that he doesn't live in Tpa. My New Yorkan man. Whom I met in MAY. I can say that since he came down here last month he has made a world of difference. He still doesn't know ONE big old secret. which really isn't a secret cuz many people know about it, and I am going to tell him very soon. 80% of me says he will be get over that part of it. lol/
I have been through so much shit that I think I can make this work in spite of...
So I think God is smiling down on me now that I have agreed to let Dia go, and the memories of him. And move on.
It almost seems too good to be true. but I am too happy to care further. lol
Muahhhhh
MizzGee
So
