::boo
11:37 A.M. - Tuesday, Nov. 01, 2005
Dear Diary,
I am falling in love all over again. I am so freaking SCARED. I don�t want to do anything; I don�t want to feel this way but seems I can�t help it. Have I completely gotten over my last? I keep telling myself that I should take my time and stay away from men for a while. Then why do I feel this way? Reminds me of my last relationship my heart was in it all the time and my mind kept screaming NO! I didn�t listen and look what a fine mess it got me into. I asked him not to hurt me, he promised he wouldn�t and then he did just what I was afraid of. Though unplanned, I hurt him back. I didn�t intend to but somewhere in my madness I hurt him so badly. I guess we can call it even stevens. I don�t trust my heart to someone else AT ALL. I know what I should do, but will I?
I guess I need to relax leave men alone, do my thing, and take care of my little miracle. Hope that things will work out financially, hope Dia and I will one day be able to talk to each other with no animosity behind our eyes, especially for my precioussssssssssssssssssss.
On that note I want to say, it angers me to be around him, but I want him to be a part of this. I want him to be there no matter what, in spite of all this crap. I want him to feel welcome and comfortable. I don�t think I have been making him feel that way. I think�no�I know that I have made it difficult and guess what?? I am gonna fix it.
Anyways diary, I am so so so sleepy, I am at work and can barely keep myself standing straight. I stayed up late last night doing ungodly things.
Peace out.
